The Great Fading-Away

“Tonight i can write the saddest lines…. For example*”-.I held her in my
naked arms.
I kissed her naked goose-pimpled flesh, breathing in deeply the pungent
summer innuendos in the sweat of her body.
We exchanged, through each-others eyes, in mythologies extravagant
moments.
I said her name and she said mine…. Intimately.
We laid there (which i’m remembering now as being for hours, but were
not) sheltered from the sun, quietly receiving through an open window the
heavily earthen scented breeze that gently wafted the sun faded curtains
in a slow dreamy sigh…, when she said to me, in a very excepting tone: It;s
the inevitable, determined next, that springs from each present moment
that saddens me most…. Like the inevitable fading-away of the love that we
have for each-other right now; Or the passion that we have for each-other,
right now…, long before our lives will end, or even before the last time that
we will touch one-another…. How sad it is to me that something so beautiful
as us, right now, must fade-away
Fade-away As surely and as commonly, as this day will fade-away;
when tonight you reach over to turn out the lights.

 

*PABLO NERUDA: Tonight I Can Write The Saddest Lines. From his book Love
Poems, 1924

In Ameican

I speak to economically. to working-class. to plane-tongued, vulgar and
profane…. In other words, to subordinate for worldly poetry (this is our
American disease: A laziness and obesity, indoctrinated commercially
and academically, in tongue and intellect).

Even all those “Good” Americans.
Even all those Good “open-minded” Americans.
Even all those Good open-minded “Cultured” Americans.
All those Good open-minded cultured “Liberal” Americans….
Even all those Good open-minded cultured Liberal “Progressive” Americans.
And yes! Even all those Good “Bill Maher’s and Michael Moore’s” gilty-white
white (Elitist) Americans, that so desperately tries to separate themselves from
the rest of all those “Other” un-cultured Americans, speak this way.
Even though they think they do not; They Do!

It’s in our bones.
It’s in our Sex.
It’s in our Leisure…. It’s in our Modern Cultural Individualization and Self-
Isolationism in personal community “Responsibility” in Brotherhood and
Citizenship.
It is in our Distance. It’s our Modern Mother-tongue: Suburban Plebeian-ism!
All that you have to do to see it for yourself is just simply strip away all of our
pop-culture, Hip-Hop, Bohemian, Club Kid, Counterculture Dialects…. All of
our loud animated Blah Blah blah Blah’s, and all that you will see that is left
… Spoken in American, is: Be in Awe of my Disadvantages!
Be in Awe of my Pain!… Feel Me! Feel Sorry for Me! Pity Me! Give Me!… Be in
Awe of ME!… ME! In the most spoile unaccountable, Self-serving, sense of the
word, ME!

Definitions Of Time

It’s as if i were to ask you…, what is Time? And you very quickly, with much working-
class arrogance, submissiveness, and lack of any type of meditation, responded-.
Time is the story of the anxious ticking hands of the clock…. And with each anxious
tick of its heavy hands… MONEY!
And i then in return said to you-. But that is only an indoctrinated response for the
justification of our cultural greed, obesity, and our political and ethical ignorance,
laziness, and cherry-pickings…. Tell me, if i were to smash your clock into peaces.
If i were to smash your manufacturing-lines into peaces…. Your “MONIES” into peaces. Would i then in like be smashing Time into peaces?

Or, it’s as if i were to ask you instead-. Please give me a description of Time.
And you pause… with genuine thought taking over the weathered, Docile-ed, features of your face. This time not taking the question so through the nose as they say. And you replied to me saying-. Lets imagine that you asked me to please give you
a description of this moment right now. How else could i respond to you but by pointing out that that moment has already past into just a moment ago.
How else but to reply to you that we were younger then. Even if only by moments. And as this moment begins its unfolding into yet another unfolding of moments,
(with each moment being seamless and infinite within its-self) that is already now,
each separately, even more moments ago…, you, as well as the reader, will have had,
independent of mine, your own unfolding of moments.
Moments that i can only rely upon my own imagination…, taken from my own depository of memories (e.g. experiences), and fashion a workable picture(e.g.
reference), even though those moments were merely only moments ago; With a
consistent addition of moments, between that moment to this particular moment,
that is now, in its-self, already a moment ago….
And it is from each of these tick-away moments that we must pick from. From our
own memories. In order to recall…. Which to recall, to a certain extent, is to re-create.
To reinterpret.
To reconstruct…. So in a sense-, illusionary? An unfixed reality? With the only reducible or measurable “Truths” that can accurately be made, from even just moments ago, is not its apparent physical reality; But of a peripheral interpretation
of a Time that we no-longer even belong too (by we i mean as we who we are right
now).
So i guess if you were to ask me what is Time-, my only reply must be: Time is a
subjective sentimental reinterpretation of the movement and change of Shadows!
And i would then respond back to you. But i asked you for a description of Time and you only gave me a description of direction and motion…. and even though,
yes, motion must be a component of Time, just as my left hand is a component of me,
i would hope, that if i were to ask you for a description of me that you would be able
to give me more than just a description of my left hand.
You also bring up into play…, Illusion. To this i can only say:Despite of all life’s flawed
complexities, within its Time i have Loved and i have Hated. I have Celebrated and i
have Mourned… In its Time i have Loved and i have Lost.
My Human Heart has in both, Dramatized poetic sentimentalism, and pop-culture
popular-ism, felt the full sweeping effects  change from its Finite days and nights;
what more can i know or judge?

Again, it’s as if i were to ask you-. What is Time? And you replied to me very sincerely…. Time is that inevitable kick to the teeth for all of your yesterdays fears,
hesitations, actions and inactions.
But it is also a promise of a new day of one more chance.
Yes! i would then exclaim. That must be it! It must be as you say!… Time is that which
prevents our language and intellect from achieving its most possible elegance and
promise!
It’s what keeps us submissive to dated traditions and superstitions.
It’s what rips from our hands, at the very moment that we are about to grasp it…
Beauty!
But you interrupt me, continuing your probe, with these questions-. So, is not Time
Deterministic then? Meaning, is this moment now already predetermined by just a
moment ago?
And does this moment really shackle the next?
And when was my first moment? Was it the moment of my conception? Or was that
moment already predetermined by the first moment of my parents meeting?
Or was my first moment the moment of my parents parents first meeting and-so-on-
and-so-forth into an eternal regression?
Or instead is each moment open until we make a choice, thus only creating an “illusion” of a pattern and direction of Time?
Is the flow of Time and motion merely the tip of an arrow; or is it the arrows wake?
Think carefully before answering. weigh carefully the full consequences of each
possibility.
For example: Think of the consequences concerning GOD by a Deterministic  Time or
of  a non-Deterministic Time.
Foe example-. To keep GODs authority and legitimacy intact, his existence must be kept outside of Time.
The whole Universe… all that exist. Must be laid out before him. intact and in whole.
It must be up to him and him alone to Determine the course and value and end to his
total creation if we are to avoid the embarrassment in our reasoning and logic….
-omnipotence with limitations! For if the future lays beyond his knowing. or will. If
he exist subject to our Time. If tomorrow is open to our possibility. Subject to our
Free-will. An undetermined Chaos. Then his authority, by law of definition, is then
Limited!
But! If GOD is kept outside of Time. With the past present and future laid out before
him…. Intact and in whole. Determined. We then open up this can of worms: Action
without Sin nor accountability. Even Hitler then, we must concede, only did what was his to do. necessary to this moment. For an observable future, by any agent,
cancels out Free-will. For if it is observable it already exist. And if it already exist….
Then No Free-will!
And if Free-will is eliminated from the story of Human History, then theologies industry that functions off of the premises of Benevolent Omnipotence, concerning
Human atrocities, becomes nothing more than a “Tickling of the ear”… A cherry-
picking of belief systems.
It becomes nothing more than ramblings of confused ideas and meaningless definitions in attempts at legitimizing questionable Histories. And we are still left
with this Question: What then, if any, are the organic foundations to Human Ethics?
So in short…. If GOD exist outside of Time, his divinity is secure, but we lose the
security of Free-will. And with the loss of Free-will, we live and act without sin,
accountability and eternal punishments.
But, if GOD exist within Time, the security and comforts of Sin, accountability and
eternal punishment are restored… but we then lose benevolent Omnipotence.
We lose divinity…. We lose GOD as we know Him!

And so again, we loop are way back to our original starting point, in-which i ask you-. What is Time?

TAWNEE

In the end, i loved you…. Completely!

I had given myself…,
my silent self,
my inner self, to you completely.

Though now that i’m older
and no-longer run in the same
crowd,

There is nobody left around me that
knows of you,
Or even knows of your name.

So i fear, that on my death bed,
As i lay dying, Letting go of the
last of my life,

i will say your name. After all of
these years, one last time, out
loud… I will say your name!

And there will be nobody
there
that will understand.

The Beauty Of Poetry

That is the beauty of poetry! The
importance of poetry. the strength
in poetry…. Its non-linear, non-
committial, ambiguous use of
language:

This language is not the sterile
academic fixed language of
Hermetic mathematical expression.
Or the dry invalid* dialectics of
Socrates.
Or any other of those Reductional
sciences or precise categories.

But its of something other. Something
ethereal…. Something unsound.
Something human!
Something so contumaciously,
beautifully,  human.

*I’m using the abjective word in-va-lid here : suffering from disease
or disability: Sickly

Tulips and Debauchery

She said-. And when i lay on my back, love, upon the damp grass of the hill-
side beneath a most beautiful harvest moon, and raise my hands too the
heavens among an exaggerated cluster of brilliant fireflies…, i can’t help but
wonder at the unsettling nature of both time and distance; Or of my inner
conflicts between my violent romantics (Metaphysics), and societies will too
conform my passions (materialism, rationalism, science).
But mostly, i can’t help but to imagine the trimmed sunbathed figure of some
young beautiful Egyptian boy…. Or of some beautiful young man of Babylon;
Or of Mesopotamia…. as young as we are now. Naked. Laying on the calm black
banks of the Euphrates; Bewitched by this very same moon that bewitches me
now!
Beneath these very same clusters of stars…. Ah, what stargazers our species
once were!
If only, in spite of our political, cultural, and scientific evolutions and revolutions
…, if  only in spite our regressive will to power, we had only kept alittle time left
over too lazy about our minds to the sky…. Just think of the intellects and poets…,
Artist our species might have become!
Which then leads me to this thought: How little intellectually we have come.
Advanced. Even as from so faraway back as Mesopotamia!

Here he interrupts her saying-. You sound like such a Jack-ass when you try to
invoke such noble sentiments into those silly superstitious primitives!
Do i need to remind you of how they spent most of their lives huddled in the
filthy little dark corners of their hastily fashioned rooms…, prisoners to the whims
and follies of their own uncultivated imaginations.
What are such superstitions to us now?… Nothing i tell you! Nothing but moral
entrapments meant to ensnare any budding Free-Thinker, who not only renounce
the legitimacy and ethics of their original sin, but who are also structurally
apposed to the ambitions or threats of Heaven, or Hell!
We have reduced these once great vengeful Gods down to simple, explainable,
natural laws.
We have taken their scavenged morsels and packaged them into ready-made,
sanitary, packaged meals in abundance.
We have tamed their wrathful elements with nuclear energy; where as they
could only come-up with drafty rock enclosures…. Or at best, crudely thatched
roof hovels to curl up into a ball in.
We have internet on our wristwatches.
We have movies and t.v. on our “smart” phones; where as they had only hand-
me-down folk-tails of brooding warnings and mythology to whisper about to
each-other around their fire-pits.
We have climate controlled vehicles for just cruisein around town in on our
lazy days off…. Hell! we even have lazy days to be board in!
We have drones that can kill or oppress from absurdly, ethically, safe distances
away with. Where as your “lovely” primitives had to murder with their own
brutish bare hands;
And you want to dream about how little intellectually we have come?

She responds-. Yes, we have greatly advanced in comforts, i’ll give you that.
But advancements in comforts are not the same things as having advanced
intellectually.
Yes, we have tamed the elements with nuclear energy. But have you ever stopped
to bother and consider our nuclear comforts as only a placate….. As only a
remarkable by-product of their means to our ends, i.e. a military and economic
industrial dominance.
But lets set these trivial to the side and talk of this nonsense about our “superior
modern sciences” victories over the Gods.
First let me start off by quoting Roger Hausheer: “It is paradoxical that at a time
of unprecedented moral and political confusion there should be an upsurge of
interest in popular expositions of science, whose subject-matter is fully
comprehensible only to a handful of experts. yet the very realm that matters to
us most, and is accessible to all of us in virtue of our humanity, namely that of
the human studies, seems not to have captured the popular imagination to the
same degree*” I wonder why, i think…, by design perhaps?
And secondly-. Science has done nothing to eliminate the Gods…; A certain
degree, or type, or class of biblical piety maybe. But not God!
In fact, if truth be told, all that science has really been able to do to God, is a
hostile takeover of his religious industry, influence, and power!
It is even now, as we speak, attempting to construct, out of an infinite supply
of theoretical universes, a plausible twist on transcendence.
Not a traditional form of transcendence mind-you. But a modern, abstract,
progressive transcendence. Constructed out of an intricate webbing of garrulous
academic dialectics…. And just as Camus saw then, we can see now:How again
science has been reduced to poetry.
And finally-. Stephen Hawking once…, many times…, to who would ever listen…,
proclaimed the death of philosophy! For it is only up to those great heroic
scientist, that can now save us and the world from our most dangerous perils….
Which he then began to list.
A list of peril that science, and science a-lone, is responsible for creating…. By
applying scientific ego…, plus Equation, without first applying philosophical
meditation.
True human growth, or advancement…, or any other furthering in human
evolution will not come from academic sciences…, but rather it will come from
a re-attention of focus on our pure human capacities. Not a cybernetic possibility.
It will come from a re-tracing of our bread-crumbs back through this swerving
twisting labyrinth of technological advancements, technological comforts…, and
our technological conveniences (i.e. we monkeys pushing buttons)
It can only come from a re-establishment of meditations on the arts, laws,
philosophies, human interaction, nature, conscience, ideology, honor and pride
…. It will come from a re-establishment of human time and a re-evaluation of
our modern popular culture.
We are going to need to weed through all of this muck-and-yuck of misinterpretations, cherry-pickings, and intimidations.
We are going to need to re-cultivate a functioning again society!
And as far as your packaged meats and dried goods in abundance are concerned
….Do not mistake this for a foundation of society, nor society its-self that you
have managed to assemble…., but rather a packaged arrogance. a packaged
detachment and a packaged gluttony!
So please show me! How truly intellectually advanced have we come from those
“primitives”. Specially when you consider the degenerative effects from our
modern abandonment of literature, art, philosophy, and vulnerability!

He responds back to her-. Enough enough! this isn’t what we came here for is
it?
Tulips and debaucheries are why we came…. and those should be are most
immediate concerns.
Smiles for the time-bombs, for there’s murdering yet to be done! That should
be all that we have left to offer.
Interpreting the allegorical in those dream curving darkend corridors and
stairwells of our memories.
Or identifying that secret patch of sand cut from the main beach and harbor,
that once expanded the whole length and width of our imagination…. That is
how we should identify our remorse.
Watching cellulite ass shifting silicone diplomacy in summer clothing…. That
is what we do!… As well as how we vote to govern.

She asks-. And what about our death?… How shall we die then?

He says-. Just like the way that we have always been told we will die. But in
our overzealous preoccupation with life…, we whole-heartedly ignored!
We will die like a yawning joke gilded in nymphet Lilacs.
We will die, much like a hospital clock that is permanently fastened to the
wall at the foot of the bed…, as a constant reminder that we have just missed
something.
In those gone seconds.
The same way that i missed the true fleeting beauty…, or metaphor, of the
naked fold of your breast pressed against the reaching sand.
Or the way that we both missed our chance…:or if truth be told, The way
we both willingly surrendered our chance, to live our lives freely.
Independent. Just for a bit of security and comfort.

She says (tiredly)-.Yes yes, as you wish then. Tulips and debaucheries!…
But when the day comes…; And it will come, that this sad suburban disease
licks like a blistered tongue upon my breast…
what then will we have left?

He says-. We will have indifference! Finely! And with this indifference we
will grow the calluses necessary to truly pursue our Fortunes.

She asks-. And what fortune do you imagine to be sufficient to cover the full
value on what we will have lost?

He asks her; in a tone obviously growing tired of this game-. And what will we
have lost?

She says; With the realization of him to her glazing her eyes-. Simplicity!…
Romance…. The thick black waters of the Euphrates consuming the proud
genitals of that beautiful young Mesopotamia boy stargazing beneath a
Van Gogh Starry Night Sky….

*Roger Hausheer, From his introduction to Isaiah Berlin’s book: The proper
study of Mankind.

MR. Good Intentions

And here i am…,Me! A finger-pointer!… I, a judger. I, a critic. I, a high talker on
the growing lack of participation in social ethics and responsibilities of the peoples,
and just drove past, on my way home from the store, after work, a man holding
onto a sign that read: Homeless/Hungry/Please, anything helps!…
And with money in my pocket to-boot!
But you must please understand me when i tell you how much of a hurry that i was
in; It was such a-long day of work. And with only so few hours allotted to me, free
from it!
My free-time… seeming so absurdly limited to me!
My funds as well…, limited (Though obviously not as limited as others).
The traffic as well, so heavy at that hour of the day. Just to be able to find a spot
to turn around and make my way back to him would be enough to turn a more
stable man Mad!…
So little is my Time(un-like my exuses). So i just kept driving home.

Though i need you to know that i kept my full attention focused on him in the
rearview mirror the whole way past him….
Even long after he was no-longer visible.
That at least must account for something! Some measure of humanity i would
hope?… My vigilance and concern…, my Guilt!
That at least should allow me some kind of allowance?… Some right to keep
talking?